Dear Government,
There’s so much talk about diversity today. Quotas and guidelines and suggestions and suggestions-that-are-really-quotas.
And there’s a lot of talk about under-represented minorities. I can never quite figure out how minorities are determined to be under-represented or not. Apparently you haven’t determined that either (based on many hours online trying to determine the definition using your websites). Ahh, working in HR. Fun times.
But no one ever talks about over-represented minorities. No one sits around and rolls their eyes and says “We really need to do something about all the over-represented minorities in our midst.” And no one talks about under-represented majorities. No one sits around and sighs and says “I really miss those under-represented majorities we had.”
But I wish people did. It could be useful. Mostly it would be fun. In case our tax dollars can’t be stretched into writing definitions for these new phrases, I am willing to share the official Lizology definitions:
Over-Represented Minorities –
1. People holding minority opinions who, through sheer force of will and well-oiled vocal cords act as if they are the majority.
2. People holding minority opinions who, through sheer force of will and well-oiled vocal cords act as if they are God.
3. Anyone holding a sheaf of petitions where the signatures look oddly similar. And the names are indecipherable.
4. Anyone who begins a conversation with “Well, everyone knows” but cannot produce, upon request, a scrap of scientific evidence.
5. Anyone who likes jeggings. Or Uggs. Or jeggings and Uggs combined.
Under-Represented Majorities -
1. People that make you feel safe. Like Denzel Washington. Or MacGyver. Or Chuck Norris (if he’s on your side.) We know these people exist, we believe we are surrounded by them, but we can never seem to find them when we need assistance with heavy things or bad guys or ticking time bombs.
2. Any political party that wins elections but never seems to have a consistent message, strong leadership or committed politicians. Basically every political party since, well, this is getting depressing…
3. Encouragers. Positive people. There must be a majority of positive encouraging people in this world or we’d all be on anti-depressants and tissues would cost more than 97 cents a box. And yet, it’s the negative discouraging people who make themselves known. (If you don’t believe me, spend a day tallying the number of positive comments about: the weather/health/work/children versus the negative comments. Yet most days are pretty decent, we are healthy enough to complain, those of us working are getting paid (I hope) and children are a blessing…)
4. Those who abide by the speed limit.
5. Everyone who would refuse, on principle, to be in a reality TV show. If you would categorically refuse to be on the Bachelorette, then you are under-represented (we need more of you!), you are in the majority (I would hope) and I’d like to be your friend. In a completely platonic sense.
Your Under-Represented Majority and Helpful Citizen,
Liz
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